October 22, 2017 - page creation.
In Paulish the following words are either not used or are used very infrequently





Nov 2 - Rights

Nov 3 - Two more words that are not very helpful - concerned, uncomfortable. They are not very helpful for the same reason "angry" is not very helpful. They don't indicate what is needed.

We use fewer imperatives


I was in Brazil visiting a private English school. A seven year old boy wanted to ask a question while I was saying something which was important for me. Since I am not fluent in Portuguese I asked the English teacher, Isadora, to ask the boy if he could wait to ask the question. He said yes. I pointed out to her that I like to ask students if they can do something rather than use the imperative to tell them to do it. For example, I didn't say to Isadora, "Can you please tell him to wait?" I also did not say to Isadora, "Tell him to wait."

We say "How would you feel about...?"

We ask questions in this way because

- We truly want to know how others feel

- We want to help them develop their feeling words vocabulary or their emotional literacy

We try not to say

You are... She is... He is...

I think you are...

You need to...

I think you need

You should...

I think you should


Yes but....

I understand but....

Instead we might say

So you...

So you think...

So you feel...

So you need...

While visiting one school the teacher asked me to come to her 2:00pm class because it was her most diffcult one. I will call her Carol.

I said ok, but at 2 I was talking to someone else outside the teachers' room and I forgot to go to her class. At around 2:20 or so she came to look for me. She looked like a different person than the person I saw earler in the day. She looked stressed, exhausted and almost ready to cry. I had just met her that morning and she was almost always smile and looking relaxed and open. But when at that moment she looked so different I had to think for a moment who was this person that was standing there talking to me as if I knew her!

In any case, I went with her back to the classroom. There were 3 boys and two girls. Around age 11.

I think I started out by asking her how she was feeling from 0-10. She said 2. Then I asked everyone how they felt to hear that. They all said they felt bad, but the boys looked more guilty. I think I asked if they had any idea when she felt so bad. One of the girls started to explain that the boys had been talking a lot and not paying attention to the teacher, etc.

I also asked the teacher who was the most empathetic student in the class. She pointed to one girl and I said "What if you give the teacher a hug?" She quickly got up and went over to hug the teacher.

I asked who else needed a hug and both of the girls said they did. So they hugged each other and the teacher hugged them both. I asked the three boys if they needed a hug and they all said no.

Later I asked the teacher again how she felt and she said 5. Then I asked the class if they thought they could help her feel better than five during the rest of the class and they all said yes.


Oct 22, 2017  
Why children start to lie: They have learned it is dangerous to tell the truth.  
When I ask children what is better, competition or cooperation, they always say cooperation

When I ask them if Jesus would ever hit a child, they always say no.

When I ask them if Jesus would ever wear a tie, they always say no.

(To be scientfically more accurate, I am using the word "always" to mean how the vast majority of them answer - around 90+ percent.)

When I ask them if they would rather have a new toy for Christmas or use the same money to help a poor child, they always say use the money to help a poor child.

When I ask them if it is better to punish someone or help them, they always say help them.

Over the past few days I asked a nine year old girl a few questions such as, would you rather spend more time in school or more time with your parents? She said more time with my parents. I asked, "Would you rather go to school or stay home and learn things with a group of your friends?" She said stay at home and learn with a group of her friends.

Next I will ask children where they feel safer - at home or at school.

I also learned a new word

Oct 22

The nine year old said if she hasn't finished her copying the teacher will "xingar" at her. I guessed it meant something like scold her or yell at her. So just now I looked it up.


Pronounced shingar

One tranlsation was to curse, another was to sneer.

Sneer: a look or expression of derision, scorn, or contempt.

All the English schools in Brazil are busy this week preparing for Halloween parties. They will charge money to go to them.
In one classroom I was talking about the high level of violence in the homes in Brazil. I asked the students and the teacher how many had been hit. All of them had been.

I then talked about how it was possible to establish an atmosphere of fear even without hitting a child. I said a father could just raise his hand or shout at a child. I approached one of the girls and said, for example, a father could do this: Then I said loudly "Don't talk to me like that!" Then I shouted even louder: "I AM YOUR FATHER!"

I yelled louder than I meant to and I scared the girl! haha

So I said, "Did I scare you?" She said yes. I said "How much from zero to ten?" She asid 10. So I said, "Do you need a hug?" She nodded yes. So I said who is your best friend here. She pointed to one of the girls. I said, "Could you give her a hug?" So she did.

Then someone from the school came in and asked if she could take a picture of the class so we all got together. I asked the same girl if I could give her a hug and she smiled and said yes, so I did.

I believe if you don't know what causes children and teenagers emotional pain, you are not qualified to be their teacher.

Also, if you cannot express your own feelings and emotional needs clearly and directly, you are not qualified to teach children or teenagers.
In most cultures I have seen when you break a rule you get punished.

In my culture, when you break a rule, you get helped.



Oct 22
From sm

Students don't have power to say "Go think about it." or "Give me your phone"


Oct 22

When you were in pain, did you get a lecture or a hug?


How to run an English school

Find out who likes to do what -

Accounting - money - find the student who likes to do it. Offer them a discount or free classes to help you.

Cleaning - find students willing to do it for free classes or discount

Don't take attendance. Don't send reports to parents. (This takes up a lot of time) Instead, create friendships and caring networks. So if a student isn't there - have someone in his caring network or friend circle call to find out how he/she is feeling, if they are ok, need help.

Don't hire so many teachers - students can teach each other with videos, music, live chats with native speakers, listening to podcasts - making their own videos and instructional materials

In Cruz Alta I asked a man who had a travel agency if there was a library in town. I said "Cruz Alta ten biblioteca?"

He said he didn't think so. Then he said "I will check". So he looked on the Internet and found out there was one. haha He said "Sim, ten". That m



Someone says "I hate so and so...." then you say "Why do you hate so and so? I like so and so". Then you start to list all the reasons the other person shouldn't hate so and so and all the reasons you like so and so.

How understood is the person likely to feel?

Nov - 2

Example from Vitoria : )

I said "I hate Windows." She replied, "I like Windows." Then I told her a person won't feel very understood when someone says something like that. I said it would be better to say "Oh, why do you hate Windows?". Then I asked her how defensive she felt and she said 5. :) Hug to her.




7:58 PM 10/22/2017
Feeling Cared about

Today I was lost and stopped in a gas station to see if the had wifi so I could look at google maps. They did. A friendly young guy gave me the password. Then a few minutes later he asked me if I was able to get connected. I smiled and said yes,

The fact that he thought to ask if I got connected helped me feel cared about by him. Then we talked more and he helped me more with the directions, even though there were customers waiting for him.

Now I regret not taking his picture and asking for his Facebook Here in Brazil about 99 percent of the people have FB, so chances are very good he has it. I know this would help him feel good -important, remembered, apprecaited, acknowledged.

I have thought about taking a picture of each helpful person I meet during the day. I travel a lot and I need a lot of help from strangers each day. I really appareciate all the help I get.

I ofen think of a guy I met when I had my hostel in Europe. His name was Pushkar sometiing I think. He was traveling with almost no money. He told me to be able to do that he just needed "one nice person each day."

I have always remembered that.

Here he is...