Invalidation Examples
Invalidation with Imperatives

Don't cry ??! Smile because the life is beautiful!! from Marina - univeristy student in Bage.

Don't let girls make you feel bad!! You are an amazing person and you deserve only the best.

- from mail Sept 14, 2017

More on invalidation

Invalidation of a teenage girl in India

Dear Bachi,

I’m a 15-year-old girl and I’m under a lot of stress and pressure. With my boards coming up, all these “aunties” add to the high pressure. But the reason I’m under so much pressure is my mother. I am sure that she loves me, but I just don’t understand why she doesn’t show it in other ways that I see my friends’ moms. I always pushed it out of my mind, but it has gotten to a point where she is the only person in my life who can make me cry so hard and make me feel as worthless as I do. Growing up, I was never one of the kids who told their mom everything. I was always so jealous when my friends said they told their moms everything, even about boys. Whenever I did try to talk to her, we would just end up fi ghting even more. It’s reached a point where I think about running away from home. I feel like my father and my sister are the only ones at home who support me in everything I do. Recently, I noticed that everything my mother says is either criticism about me or an insult. I fi nd this very diffi cult to cope with as we have a fi ght every second minute and I just feel like she’ll never understand me. I’ve tried talking to her but I feel like she’s not openminded. I fi nd this very diffi cult to cope with as it gives me added pressure. I’m tired of crying. Over the years, I’ve accepted that I’m luckier than most people. I have always been grateful that my dad loves me and treats me with respect, and is always proud of me and wants to talk to me. I love my mother but I don’t think she cares enough for me. My dad never knows who to side with. I just can’t understand if she loves me and if she does, why can’t she respect me? — Sad Senorita

Dear Sad Senorita,
Mama mia, so sad you sound. But tell you what? It’s no big deal. Lots of daughters have very fractious relationships with their mums, and more so those who are Daddy’s Girls, as you clearly are. I did too, I was too, and it was only way into my adult life that I made my peace with my mother. So I wouldn’t break out into itchy spots even if you think Momster is treating you like acne and constantly picking on you till you bleed (metaphorically). And I suggest you don’t let it stress you into not studying hard enough, else she’ll have very good reason to show up your failings. As for running away from home, don’t be a drama princess. For starters, where would you go? Why would you even think about it when you can always run to your father. Maybe that’s what you always do for every small thing for which Mum pulls you up, and there may lie the root of the problem. Also with one parent indulging you, the other has to play the stern disciplinarian, no? Else you’d be even more of a silly, selfabsorbed brat. Think of one good reason why your mother should consider you her hate object. You can’t, right? So there! Stop being paranoid, and start thinking of her as kindly as you do of your dad.

Paul: i feel pain from Vitoria (in Sao Sepe) playing league of legends instead of talking to us
Jenny: Oh, maybe it just makes her happy so she wants to spend time doing it

Then Paul wrote to another friend, "it hurt that she said that. i felt no empathy from her for my pain. i felt no understanding of why it hurts me. so I feel even more pain now"

See also

From a Brazilian University Student

Paul, you're a Nice guy, and people like you.
But when people give you advices, due what I saw, you get deffencive too!
Each people has it's own way to feel happy, and If they aren't they will demonstrate in some way.
And that's a advice, face it constructively ad non violently!
Now, listen, again a advice.
You have Just to live your life, spread your language, make your projects and been happy as it os possible to you. You live in the best epoch of civilization in the last 350.000 years!
Nothing says that everything had to be good, even because there are mamy definitions of good, and yours is not the right one. You need more philosophy.
I'm here to help you, not to judge or anything in this sense.
Calm down dude, just do your path.



Also from Marina in Bage (not invalidation)

Thank you for your English lessons, your company, all the conversations we had.. it was one of my best experiences ever!

Keep strong in your journey and don't quit your dreams !


2:46 PM 8/22/2017

10 toxic words

yeah but...
don't you think...
why don't you...
you should...